Commentary-Third Trimester: Joan Didion's On Self-Respect

The definition of self-respect is widely varied and is interpreted differently by many people.  However, who truly has the right to define self-respect?  Some label it as a trait of people who dress modestly, or of those who are courageous enough to accept their mistakes.  Some would say that it is solely up to the individual to determine whether or not they have self-respect.  Others still try to place people into whatever they may personally define as being a self-respecting position, without genuine regard to circumstance or the individual’s thought.

            The world that we live in provides many contradictions.  People are constantly being harassed by the media to change themselves one way or another.  While many of these things are targeted towards profit, and often lower an individual’s respect for oneself, the media also attempts to use respect as a ploy for in similar situation as well.  People are encouraged to respect themselves, and yet told that however they’re doing it, they’re doing it wrong.  Perfectly content people are still told that they must not truly respect themselves because they have chosen one lifestyle over another.  As if somehow a person’s physical appearance or their preferences in music, literature, or film could determine whether or not they respect themselves.

            Through my eyes, self-respect means comfort in one’s own skin.  A self-respecting person may still hide behind books and hoodies, or they may be extroverted and care free.  If a person is content with themselves and aware of their own well-being, then no one else should be able to label whether or not that individual can call themselves self-respecting.  That’s the whole point of the use of the word “self.”  It’s an individual determination.  No one else’s opinions should be able to tarnish a sense of worth.  That is the strength of self-respect.

            One way of enhancing self-respect, not always, but in some cases, is to reach out of a defined comfort zone.  Of course, some people may be too uncomfortable or may not respect themselves if they are forcing themselves into one thing or another, but I have personally found that breaking the walls of a comfort zone is a step towards self-respect.  I was never really content with who I was until I finally managed to get on stage in theatre, despite some rather awful stage fright.  Conquering fears grants a real sense of self-importance, as well as the fact that it opened doors for something that I genuinely want to do with the rest of my life. 

            In some cases, respect may hinge on other’s views.  A person may only respect themselves if they feel respected by others.  Personally, I consider this a rather dangerous way to value oneself, but as I have said before, self-respect is up to the individual.  I do not have the right to tell someone how to feel about themselves, especially if they are content in their own ways.  Overall, the importance is mainly on the comfort that one feels about oneself.  Meaning that the whole act of defining self-respect is rather pointless.  An individual interpretation also, most likely, means individual definition. 

            My best advice is simply to enjoy life.  Respect yourself and don’t bother to think too much about labels and definitions.  If you respect yourself, you’ll know that you do.  No one else will be able to, nor should they be able to, tell you whether you are self-respecting or not.  Take risks if you want, live calmly and modestly if you want.  Enjoy life.  Try to enjoy yourself.  At the end of the day, you are in your own head.  Your interpretation of the world is up to you and you alone.